I am finally out of the closet

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Linda Nidiffer

Are you shocked?  I know me too!  I am 74 years old and it was no easy feat after all these years.  I thought about calling for the Jaws of Life, but my phone was in the bedroom being charged.  What a mess.  Patience, perseverance and a sense of humor got me out of the closet.  I should probably start at the beginning because I see you scratching your head.

My daughter, son-in-law, Tom and I took an 11 day cruise to the Bahamas over Christmas and New Year’s.  The four of us like to cruise and this way no one had to cook, clean, shop, or decorate and we would still be together for the holidays.  Brilliant plan!! The rule was simple:  You two do your thing and we will do ours; will see you at dinner.  The “kids” work hard and they “play” hard.  I read “hard”.  I finished 3 books and started a fourth.  Tom relaxed hard.  

We drove home on the 3rd of January.  The kids drive an electric car which is very nice.  It is so quiet, but the range is less than a gas driven car.  Every time you stop for “electrons” it takes 30 minutes. Ugh, it seemed to take forever to get home.  When we opened up our door we were greeted not by the cats, but by one of the smoke detectors beeping telling us it was time for a new battery.  Oh dear God. I can’t think with that shrieking. What was I going to do first?  Oh, yes help Tom unload the car or was it go to the bathroom and change my clothes?  Tom won.

We get the car unloaded shouting at each other over the din. I made a statement of fact:  I will never be able to sleep with that noise.  Now you are probably asking why we didn’t fix the damn thing.  Decades ago I tried to fix one when Tom was out of town. I fixed it by cutting the wires and Tom has never let me touch another one ever again.  With peripheral neuropathy Tom can’t climb a ladder. So we were stuck with the incessant blaring until a decent hour of the morning when we could call in the infantry.

Finally I find my way to our bathroom and Eureka! I can barely hear the noise at all. Hmmmm.  No, the toilet room is too small to sleep in. I go into the closet to change my clothes and much to my overworked ears’ delight it is a quiet as a pharaoh’s tomb.

I grab my outdoor futon and throw it down on the closet floor—a perfect fit!  I grab some sheets and blankets and make it up in a second.  I go to grab my pillow off the bed, turn around and what do I see in the closet?  Two little cats snuggled on the futon waiting for me to come cuddle with them—ugh!  They jumped right up and out of the closet the next morning with all the grace of cats.  I, however, got out of the closet with all the grace of a hippo, but I am out!